Writing Samples

This collection of posts from the www.Dear-Kim.com blog are all about CELBANPrep Writing Levels One and Two!

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  • 25 May 2018 7:53 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    Dear Friends,

    For CELBANPrep Writing IENs are encouraged to write both incident reports and assessment reports. Each assignment is reviewed several times, by a writing coach for the Writing Tutoring. Every once in a while I read a report that stands out. I am posting this one online, with permission from the writer.

    Please pay attention to the following:

    • medical documentation standards,
    • avoidance of the word “I”,
    • clear descriptions of observations,
    • vital signs, and
    • advanced punctuation.

    This IEN worked hard to turn her weaknesses into strengths, during CELBANPrep Writing Level Two, and has become a master.

    Also note, this report was written and edited with in 20 minutes using the skills taught in CELBANPrep Writing Level One and lots of practice.

    Enjoy!

    Kim

    Use at least six key words from the following: diabetes, insulin, blood sugar level, needle, sugar, exercise

    January 6, 2012 @ 01300H. Jessica Yap, 14 years old, came to ER complaining of dizziness. According to her mother, she was recently diagnosed with juvenile diabetes.  She does soccer and practices everyday after school for 1 hour.They were celebrating her 14th birthday today. After she ate a piece of her cake, she began trembling, became pale and complained that she was very dizzy, which prompted her mother to bring her to the hospital. Assessment were as follows: lethargic, cold and clammy skin, cyanotic nailbeds. Blood sugar level checked and revealed 400mg/dL. Vital signs were BP 110/80 mmHg, HR 110bpm, RR 23cpm, T 36 C. Dr. Andrew informed. His orders were carried out: PNSS 1000ml x 80ugtts/min started on (L) hand; HR 4 units SQ given; health teachings were given, focusing primarily on strict adherence to insulin regimen and diet, which the mother and the patient reported that they understood. Blood sugar level checked and recorded q hourly. At 0230H, blood sugar level was 200mg/dl. Endorsed to MS ward for continuity of care.——– IA R.N


  • 09 May 2018 7:55 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    Dear Friend,

    The Canadian English Language Benchmark Assessment for Nurses is different from the IELTS because the topics for the CELBAN are familiar: about nursing or your personal experiences. For this reason the topics chosen for CELBANPrep Writing Level One assignments are about nursing, personal experiences or something else that is a familiar topic to the writer. During CELBANPrep Writing Level One, IENs work with a writing coach/tutor who provides individualized feedback on how each IEN can turn his or her weaknesses into strengths. This process continues for CELBANPrep Writing Level Two, where assignments are in a nursing context: assessment and incident reports.

    I was so pleased, and surprised when one of my IENs wrote about incident reports as her topic for an assignment for CELBANPrep Writing Level One. She did such an excellent job I immediately knew I wanted to post it, so that I could share it with you!

    Enjoy,

    Kim

    Incident reports are formal  writings which are often made by nurses right after the occurrence of unwanted events. One of the reasons for writing incident reports is after a patient’s fall when he slipped from a pool of water in the washroom’s floor. Another common reason is due to a medication error, like in a situation where a nurse administered wrong medication dosage to a patient. Lastly, it could be a clinical malpractice, like when a nurse failed to monitor the vital signs of a patient after a surgical procedure.

     An  incident report can be written in a chronological order as long as it relays factual occurrences of the accident. It has to answer questions like: who was involved, where and when did it happened, what happened, why did it happened and how did the nurse managed the event.

    Written incident reports can impel hospital administrators to implement new regulations or can also  protect the nurse in cases of further legal investigation.

    Written for CELBANPrep Writing Level One in 9 minutes.

    Wow! Most wonderful, S! I loved reading this! I would love to post it on Dear Kim, when we are done, if you would like. Would you like to follow up with explaining an assessment report? That would be great! Kim

    Thank you for appreciating my work Ms. Kim and yes, you may post this in Dear Kim.

     



  • 08 May 2018 8:03 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    Hi Kim,

    Thank you so much. Admittedly, I really had a hard time with this first incident report. It took me more than 20 minutes since I felt blocked mentally. I was away from the hospital set-up for over a year now. But, I tried creating more reports to refresh my memory and the rest sailed smoothly in terms of timing. I’m glad that I am doing fine — thanks to you. =)

    Sincerely, J

    ***

    Dear J.

    Now you have really impressed me! What you experienced is why I began teaching CELBANPrep in the beginning. All of my clients kept asking for resources, and there were none. So with a M. Ed I decided I could teach. For my first class on writing I would give a situation, based on the CELBAN Readiness resources. Some people would have ideas, but if they did they could not finish in 20  minutes. Others had blank paper, not knowing what to write. I imaged that this is what happened to IENs taking the exam. So I have worked hard, over the years, refining the lessons first focusing on getting ideas, then working on timing. What you have written touches me deeply, telling me that what I have been teaching actually works! I would have never guessed you had problems with getting the ideas going. Once they flow, ensure you keep thinking and writing about incidences and assessments to keep the process going!Thank you so  much for taking the time to write.
    Kim



  • 04 May 2018 7:58 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    Dear Friends,

    This is a great incident report written for CELBAN Writing during the CELBANPrep Writing Level Two. It is well written, except for a few errors. Can you identify the errors?

    Kim

    On July 5, 2013 at 04:00 am Smita, a 6 year old child, was found on the floor in the bathroom nearby a wet pool of liquid on the floor in the medical unit. Many relatives were gathered to help her. She was crying and looking anxious. Using the Wong-Baker FACES Scale she chose the sad face with tears (ten on the scale where ten is the most pain). Her mother was standing beside her, she was also anxious and worried about her injury. She was fully conscious. Her mother said that she fell down when she was trying to enter in the bathroom because there was a pool of liquid on the floor of bathroom. She suffered from Diabetes Mellitus Type 1. She was transferred to the bed with the help of security guard and colleagues. She was assessed for hypoglycemia.Blood sugar was monitored. Vital signs were monitored. Temp 36.5 C, PR 110 bpm, RR 22 bpm, BP 100/70 mmHg.  Head to toe assessment was done, there was a bump on her right side of the head, no bleeding or laceration on the other parts of the body. Tab Tylenol 250 mg PO stat given for pain. Doctor orders were carried out. Blood sugar was monitored, 4.2 mmol/dl. Documentation of vital signs, blood sugar and pain level were done. On duty doctor was informed.______________________

    After 30 minutes she was assessed for pain. Pain was reduced to a smile on the Wong-Baker’s FACES Scale (Zero out of ten where ten is the most pain).  Continuous monitoring of hypoglycemia was initiated. Incident report was sent to nursing supervisor. _____________________F. RN


  • 03 May 2018 7:44 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    This comes from a posted assignment, for the CELBANPrep Writing Level Two How would you correct it?

    On July 19th at 20:30H, at St. Matthews Hospital, Kim Sapno, 14 year old girl admitted in emergency room accompanied by her mother. She had a complained of right lower abdominal pain.

    Try rewriting these sentences before you click on read more to see some of my suggestions. Which do you prefer and why?

    Did you identify the over use of commas? What about the collocation error?
    Here are my suggestions:

    • On July 19th at 20:30H at St. Matthews Hospital, a 14 year old girl was admitted to ER accompanied by her mother. Kim Sapno had a chief complaint of lower abdominal pain.
    • On July 19th at 20:30H at St. Matthews Hospital a 14 year old girl, Kim Sapno, was admitted to ER. Patient was  accompanied by her mother. Her chief complaint was pain in her lower right abdomen.
    • On July 19th at 20:30H at St. Matthews Hospital, a 14 year old girl named Kim Sapno was admitted to ER by her mother. She complained of pain in her lower right abdomen.
    • Accompanied by her mother, Kim Sapno was admitted to the ER at St. Matthews Hospital on July 19th at 20:30H. Kim is 14 years old with a chief complaint of pain in the lower right quadrant of her abdomen.

    Note the collocation “chief complaint” used as a noun and “complained” used as a verb.

    Which do you prefer and why?

    Kim


  • 30 Apr 2018 7:47 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    Hello Kim,

    I just got my CELBAN test result today, I PASSED!  S-10, R-10, L-10, W-8.  I am really proud of my scores and I have you to thank for that.

    I was confident when I took the test because I know that CELBANPrep prepared me for it.  I have one thing to share to you so that you can also remind your students about it.

     I was excited about the writing task because I know that with all the practices hat I did with CELBANPrep, nothing can go wrong.  Well, I was wrong!!  I was already home when I started to think about the exam,  I was happy with my performance until I remembered that I did not sign the incident report!  Another thing, I wrote 4 paragraphs instead of 3!  The instruction was to write an incident report with 1-3 paragraphs.  This haunted me for a week!

    What I’m trying to point out here is that students should have presence of mind during the test.

    It was good that I learned from you how to mind map so that information is organized [from CELBANPrep Writing Level One].  I also kept in mind your reminder to be conscious of the tenses [CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials].  I think this probably is the reason why I got an 8 in writing.

    Thank you Kim and more power!  Keep on empowering IENs to achieve our goals.

    J


  • 20 Apr 2018 8:00 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    65 year old male patient found on the floor by the elevator with IV pole.

    Observation

    • 65 year old male patient found on the floor by the elevator with IV pole.
    • IV dislodged, a pool of blood found on the floor from IV site.
    • A loud noise.
    • No smell.

    Assessment

    • LOC : unconscious, PEARL.
    • Vital signs taken: PR 120, RR 24, BP 90/50, T 36.7 C, blood sugar 3mmol.
    • Head to toe: no lacerations, no head injuries, IV dislodged and bleeding.

    Medical intervention

    • Called for assistance.
    • Transferred  to bed.
    • pressure applied on IV site.
    • Physician notified.
    • Orders carried out: IVF 5%D started at another site, 10% Dextrose 4 ampules IV bolus given, brain CT scan.

    Documentation

    • Incident report filled.
    • Vital signs and blood sugar closely monitored.

    Evaluation

    •  Pt conscious, talking.
    • Vitals normal, blood sugar 9mmol.

    I took 5 minutes.

    ____________________________________________________

    Excellent details… in five minutes. This is most excellent!

    N, can you tell me how Writing Level One prepared you for writing incident reports in 20 minutes?

    Kim

    ____________________________________________________

    Hi Kim,

    I have to say lesson 1-4 are the preparation of brain for the easy flow of ideas. That make level two more easier and fast. We have only a short amount of time to finish the incident report. Inorder to finish the incident report within the scheduled time, the ideas should come fast. So lesson 1-4 are very important!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you

    N

    ____________________________________________________

    Dear N,

    Thank you so much for answering my question. I know that you worked really hard on Writing Level One, following the instructions for lessons 1-4 before passing the Mid Session Evaluation so that you could go on to Writing Level Two, lessons 5-8. It took you a while and lots of work but you were persistent about learning how to identify your weaknesses and turn them into strengths. And I am so proud of how far you have come. There are those who take CELBANPrep and are annoyed or frustrated with Writing Level One, lessons 1-4. They are frustrated because they are writing about their lives and interests and not about reports. They read the lessons, and might submit an assignment or two, but never really understand that I am teaching time management as a test taking strategy.

    But you, you were willing to trust me, my methods, and the process. You were willing to work hard with your writing coach. You were willing to practice, practice, practice. And now you have been able to create an incident report with such great details in 5 minutes! That is so impressive. Sure it is because of what I taught you, but you were the one who did it! And now you will be an inspiration to others who read your report on Dear Kim.

    I am so very pleased that you have learned a very important skill, preparing your mind so that you can generate ideas in an organized fashion in such a short amount of time. There are many that get to CELBANPrep Level Two that can complete an outline of an incident report with only a few details. This is both tremendous and remarkable. So please, N. Do something to celebrate your great achievement!

    Sincerely,

    Kim


  • 11 Apr 2018 7:42 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)


    Good afternoon Kim,
    My name is R, I am one of your student… I would like to thank you for all your guidance and support in my writing. Though, I felt so bad whenever I check my writing [CELBANPrep Writing Level One] there were lots colours for corrections- but for this corrections I improved and felt confident in doing an incident report [CELBANPrep Writing Level Two]. Honestly, I took IELTS exam 3 times, unfortunately I didn’t meet the score that they were requiring me to reach. Then I took Celban, first attempt I failed. Somehow, you gave me a chance … from that point I practice and practice until I got the confidence to overcome my fear of writing. Luckily, I got a schedule … for CELBAN exam … and I pass the exam. Kim, you put a mark in achieving my nursing career here in Canada.

    Thank you,
    R

    ***

    Dear R,

    It is so good to hear from you! In reading your message I am so very happy! I am just sitting here with my laptop, smiling!

    It may have been luck that you sat for the exam in September, but it was not luck that you passed the exam. You passed BECAUSE you practiced and practiced! You turned your weaknesses into strengths. You integrated feedback from your writing coach. You kept working on improving your grammar [CELBAN or IELTS: Grammar Essentials], and your skills in English in general.

    Over time, and in seeing your dedication and hard work, I thoroughly enjoyed working with you! It is a pleasure to have been permitted to walk with you on your journeys to becoming a nurse in Canada!

    In reading your message again your words ring out, “I practice and practice until I got the confidence to overcome my fear of writing.” This is the most wonderful thing to read and to know! I am so very impressed with your ability and desire to overcome your fear, and to gain self mastery and confidence as a result. Maximum performance on any exam can only happen when we gain enough skill and knowledge, which builds confidence, and battles fear and anxiety.

    And you did it! Oh, ! I am so very very pleased. It truly has been an hounour! Please, please keep in touch and keep me informed about your path, your progress, and your struggles too!

    You have the keys to success, and I know you will make it; you will obtain your dream of being a nurse in Canada. And when that day comes I will be overwhelmed with joy, remembering that I knew you would make it. While there are many IENs from across the world coming to or living in Canada, you have the special combination of skills, talents and character that will bring you success where others might fail.

    All the best to you!

    Sincerely,
    Kim


  • 27 Mar 2018 7:50 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)

    Here is an example of an incident report...Here is an example of an incident report written by a subscriber to CELBANPrep Writing Level Two. (She used CELBANPrep Writing One, and accessed Writing Coaching.)  This is the result after several revisions. What follows is a discussion between me and the IEN who wrote the report.

    Incident: 75 year old man found on the floor

     

    On May 27th, 2012, at 9 am, Mr. Charles Browny, a 75 year old man, was found on the floor near the elevator by a visitor who called for help. Note that Mr. Browny was admitted to the medical ward 2 days ago for abdominal pain and vomiting. In his medical history, he has hypertension and diabetes.

    Mr. Browny stated that he struggled with his IV line attachment and fell down when he was going to the cafeteria. He was found pale and anxious. Upon assessment, he had a red spot around 5 cm in width on his left hip and elbow. The vital signs were: BP 140/90, PR 100, RR 22, T 37ºC and his HGT was 250 mg/dl. On the pain scale from 1 to 10 where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest his pain level was 6. Mr. Browny was assisted and transferred to his bed in room 103 by a wheel chair. The doctor on duty was informed; he ordered: right hip and elbow x-ray, Tylenol 2 tab/ 8h as needed, complete bed rest until the x-ray results. X-ray was done and Tylenol 2 tablets were given.————————————-Signed by AA RN.

    At 10 am, the x-ray results were normal and the pain level decreased to 4/10. The doctor on duty was informed; the patient stayed in his room for further investigation upon doctor’s order. ——————————-Signed by AA RN.

    Dear A,
    Amazing report. Although I have identified a few errors, you have done excessively well. I am particularly proud of your advanced punctuation. I had to think, slow down and pay attention. When I realized you had used both a colon and semi-colon correctly in the same sentence I felt so impressed… I am still smiling! I know very few native English speakers/writers that can do what you did!

    Also excellent use of the pain scale and of documenting the vitals.

    I also love your note, explaining the difference in dates.

    Kim

    ___________________________________________________

    Thanks Kim for your feedback and encouragement! I always love what your comments.A.

    ___________________________________________________

    About the comments, you are welcome. I am still so impressed! I actually cover semi-colons with a very small group of people taking CELBANPrep, those who are advanced. It is too risky to use incorrectly.

    You are such a strong writer, and to be managing so many languages is a testament of your skills and abilities… all while taking care of your family and a baby. I hope that you see improvements and are happy with your rate of growth.

    Kim

    _____________________________________________________
    Thanks Kim,

    Yes, I am really happy and I can see lots  of improvements. Beside this, You always makes me feel more confident and less stressful with your feedback. I hope to pass the Celban Test and start the next step.

    ______________________________________________________

    Dear A,

    It is easy to give positive feedback and comments to you, when you came to me with such great skills and capabilities.

    What patterns have you seen, and how will this help you when you are editing?

    Kim

    ________________________________________________________

    I pay more attention for grammar and for the form of the sentence. Also, I always check my punctuation when I edit. Beside this, I learned some idioms and how to use “the” correctly. I try to correct as much as I can!

    When I started Celbanprep the editing was taking with me 10 to 15min, but now with practice, it is taking around 5 min or less.

    Thanks Kim for all your help and support and for your believe in my skills and capabilities.

    God bless you and stay with you to help all the IENs.

    _______________________________________________________

    Dear A

    Wonderful wonderful news! I am so glad I have taught you something. You started with so much. If you could decrease your editing to 5 minutes, that is amazing!

    There are two things I do with CELBANPrep Writing Level One (Using the Textbook from Amazon and the Membership @ www.CELBANPrep.info) :

    • Teach people how to identify their own personal errors, and how to correct them.
    • Teach people how to write in a timed situation.

    I know that when people develop these skills they can perform to the best of their abilities on the Writing portion of the CELBAN. It is profound to me that you were able to do both, at an advanced level. Your story, your experiences, honour my work in creating CELBANPrep.

    Merci!

    Kim

    2019 Update

    Dear Internationally Educated Nurse,

    If you are reading this, and preparing for the CELBAN, then you know that the format of CELBAN Writing has changed. People often ask me if what I teach in CELBANPrep Writing is still relevant, and the answer is this: YES!

    As you see in this thread this IEN learned a great deal from CELBANPrep Writing Level One. She was able to create a perfect piece of writing in 20 minutes because she learned how to manage her time, and how to edit her writing. But, it took her time and effort. She had to practice, repeatedly, to master these skills: the skills that are taught in CELBANPrep Writing Level One.

    The thing is, for Level One, you write about ANY topic! That is why it is still relevant to prepare for the CELBAN even with the changes! You can even use it to prepare for the IELTS or CELPIP (for Immigration purposes).

    CELBANPrep Level One is that powerful!

    What you need is:

    • The textbook from Amazon (available in 100 countries through the 12 national sites)
    • A Membership to CELBANPrep Here you will have access to more than 100 writing samples, of IENs like you applying the CELBANPrep Method. Many people have told me that seeing the work of others has helped them tremendously.

    For a limited time, with your membership, you may also be able to access:

    • A Writing Assessment – where your weaknesses are identified and guidance is given on how to improve them, and/or
    • Writing Coaching.

    When it comes to CELBANPrep Writing Level Two, things have changed when it comes to writing in a nursing context on the CELBAN; but, as long as you are an Internationally Educated Nurse practicing in Canada this resource is still valuable. It is valuable because what you learn will be applied to the courses that you will be required to take, from your NNAS assessment, and when you are practicing as a nurse.

    If you need to learn how to write an Incident Report or an Assessment Report, in a limited time, as an LPN or RN in Canada: CELBANPrep Writing Level Two prepares you for that.

    In this way, CELBANPrep Writing doesn’t just prepare you for the CELBAN! It prepares you for Immigration, and for your career as a Nurse. That is what CELBANPrep has always been about: so much more!

    Kim


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